


V Vs. Tree

by Kharasma



Category: Code Name: Sailor V
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 08:16:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2805755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kharasma/pseuds/Kharasma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sailor V embarks on her silliest mission yet: rescuing a cat from a tree. Like most cats, he's distressed and could use some talking down. Unlike most cats, he can talk back to her. She lives a strange and delightful life, it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	V Vs. Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Steelneko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steelneko/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide!
> 
> I love this wacky comic and its wacky characters so much that I had to give this a try. Maybe I'm getting a little too silly with the characters, but it's fun all the same! I hope you like.

"Argh, why is my life so weird!"

Minako burst into the house with a slam of the front door, as she usually did when she knew her parents weren't around to tell her off for it. She lingered longer than usual, shuddering with disgust, then raced toward her room. Surely the man...er, cat with the plan was there, right? Artemis might scold, but he'd definitely help her out. And then she could get back to working her way to the top of the scoreboard at the arcade again! If the Dark Agency could keep from making a mess of things for just one day, Sailor V would defeat the Rouge Rogue in no time. She was so close to the next level, she could almost taste it! But first. She really, really needed to unsee what she'd just seen before she could even think about touching that game.

She swung her door open and slid over to face her nightstand, where her trusty mentor could often be found grooming himself. Or sleeping, or staring into space. That last one was getting to be more and more frequent lately, especially at night. Maybe he was lonely? She'd have to look into that. “Say, Artemis! You know how I can disguise myself? Can I...uh, disguise my memory too? Because there’s something I totally need to forget...”

But today, oddly enough, she found herself talking to a simple sunflower lamp. Artemis wasn't there. Minako looked left and right, and up and down...and even braved the rest of the house, wondering if he was taking advantage of some alone time to himself with the TV. It was no secret that her dad was itching to toss him out on his furry butt after the last incident. Surely Artemis wasn’t stupid enough to get caught again after meeting the business end of a fire extinguisher, was he?

(He’d made hissing noises at her for a week afterward. She could almost hear him now.)

Minako searched everywhere, and even made a fresh heaping of his favorite snack: shrimp and rice. Even the sweet scent of a meal failed to draw him out. She even dragged out a fan to waft the scent down the hallways, but after an hour he was still missing. She raked her hand through her hair, tugging on the end of her bow. What was the big holdup? These horrifying mental pictures of hers wouldn't go away on their own, after all.

Just as she'd resigned herself to a night of waiting alone, her trusty pen started vibrating in her shirt pocket. “Whoa!” she yelped, quickly catching herself on the counter. Boy was she glad her parents were out for the day.

“Boss? What’s up?”

_“Sailor V! I have a mission for you. A...somewhat unusual one.”_

That had her scratching her chin. “A mission? Sure! But I can’t find Artemis, shouldn't we let him know?

_"That’s the exact problem. Artemis is in quite the predicament at the moment.”_

 

“Oh no!” Minako yelped, clutching the pen just a little tighter. “What’s wrong? Did the Dark Agency grab him? Is he hurt somewhere? Who do I have to kick?”

 _“No, he’s not in that kind of danger for now. It’s simpler than that: he’s stuck up a tree.”_   Boss was never one to get emotional about their mission, but she thought she heard the faintest hint of laughter in the voice.

“...seriously?” Minako dropped the pen in surprise, producing an angry bit of static from it. She snatched it back up the next moment. “Is this some kind of joke, Boss?”

 _“Have I ever not been serious with you, Sailor V?”_ was Boss’s simple reply.

“Well, no. So he’s seriously stuck?” Minako asked. “I don’t belive this! But I kinda need him right now, so...I’m off! I’ll have him back real quick,” she promised, saluting the pen with a little wink. Grabbing a cat from a tree would be a piece of cake!

\---

...if by ‘piece of cake’ she meant ‘crazy uphill battle’, of course it was. Boss had very unhelpfully failed to give her any clues about which tree Artemis was stuck in. That led to her muttering instructions into her pen as she walked, earning more than a few strange looks from passersby. Even the clownishly-dressed old man at her favorite park bench was staring.

Her next plan was quieter she simply waved that fresh bowl of shrimp and rice around. Enthusiastic meowing followed, thankfully, so she pounced on her chance! Minako twisted and vaulted her way up a threatening looking tree near the school...only to rescue a tabby cat. The cat was sweet and grateful, nuzzling her cheek on the whole treacherous trip down, but the little tabby certainly wasn’t Artemis.

The next cat she attracted was considerably more aggressive, and she had to resort to using her Sailor V strength to keeping the angry fuzzball in check. How could his tiny claws hurt so much?

"I think I've earned a raise for this," she thought as she precariously balanced on a branch.

Minako knew she definitely had to attract the right cat with her next move. Her trump card was simple: all she had to do was yell out, no matter how she looked. If she picked the right spot, she'd only have to do it once. So she screwed up her face to gather breath, clenched her fists, and yelled. "ARTEMIS! I'M GETTING YOU DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Predictably, she immediately heard the sound of his paw hitting his forehead. When she looked up, she saw a telltale flash of white tail curling around the highest branch. There he was! Minako grumbled her way up the tree, carefully picking her way through the branches. It was a struggle to keep them from catching her hair or her skirt, but two trees’ worth of practice definitely helped with that.

“Artemis, you silly cat!” Minako chided as she hurtled the rest of the way up, gently swatting his forehead. “Getting yourself stuck like some ordinary housecat? You didn’t want anybody coming up here with their hoses, did you? Or fire extinguishers?”

He seemed reluctant to talk, instead letting out a low groan of disgust. “That’s a yes, isn’t it?” she continued. “C’mon, let’s get you down. Your food’s getting cold by now, but I’ll get you something nice and hot this time,” she promised. "But that cold cucumber soup I made last night was great, I'll have you know!"

That earned her an eye-roll, but still no words. That wouldn’t do, so she pounced, scooping him onto her lap and tickling. “Oh, you’re so stubborn! Let me guess, you're embarrassed, right?”

"Hey---stop it! You know what cats do to irritating owners? We claw 'em," he gritted out, slipping out of her grasp.

"Yeah, I got the picture," she muttered, gesturing to the angry red marks on her arms. "So I'll stop! But we're not staying up here all night."

The sight of her injuries seemed to startle Artemis. Those cats were really out of control! He apologized by nuzzling her uninjured skin, then carefully resting his head back in her lap. This was so shameful---but they were partners, and he'd never ever stop worrying about her. 

"I wasn't staying either," Artemis was quick to insist. "I was only admiring the moon. Look how full it is! Don't you enjoy it sometimes?"

The moon, huh? He did seem to be looking in that direction an awful lot at night lately. It was strange, but she let it slide...so what if she had an oddball romantic for a cat? It was only fitting for the avatar of Venus and her closest companion. "Yeah, I do...but it's not that much bigger than it is from my window, is it?"

"No..." Artemis reluctantly admitted. "But look how clear it is! There's nothing else blocking the view. from here. So I just thought I'd stay a while longer," he argued. Minako was almost prepared to believe him too...until she heard a kitty-sized stomach growling,  Ah, the jig was up. She couldn't resist the evil grin that broke free at that.

"Your belly's telling me something else," she said triumphantly. "But I'd never let you starve! Come on. Let's go home and have some shrimp."

Artemis had a retort on the tip of his tongue for that...but his stomach helpfully chose that moment to growl again. Perfect. He flattened his ears, stewing in how embarrassing that was for a moment. Minako felt just the slightest bit guilty, but she pressed on. Surely there was a way to cheer him up here, right? There was something she'd come here to get from him, after all.

“Well if you think you’re embarrassed, wait ‘til you hear what I saw today!” she shuddered, making the branch shake precariously with her revulsion. Artemis curled around her leg in response.  “Did you know that boys can look really good in skirts? And it’s scary?”

THAT caught Artemis’s attention. He snorted. “Let me guess: he had a girly name? Like a certain friend of yours?” Oh, he’d never forget that time she tried to put a bow on his tail. And the time he'd slid a cat bell around her neck in revenge. Oh, that had been a fun morning.

“Nope! It was Amano, actually. You know, the geeky guy who’s totally in love with Sailor V?”

“Right. You have so many poor deluded guys chasing you,” he remembered, rolling his eyes a little---and maybe feeling sorry for them. Minako was a great person deep down, he knew better than anyone else...but if they were looking for a girlfriend, they were barking up the wrong tree for sure.

“Well the weird thing is he actually wants to be me!" Minako continued. "Sailor V me, I mean. You know how the arcade had a Sailor V impersonation contest to promote the game? The prize was an amazing life-sized Sailor V figure and a year of free games!”

Artemis rolled his eyes. “I definitely heard about it. You’d been plotting to enter for a week, because the crowd definitely won't realize that Minako in a Sailor V costume looks exactly like the real thing.”

“Don’t be such a sour-puss! I would’ve been totally safe. Just a few tweaks to make me not look like me...darker hair, a bottom-bin costume, some mature makeup...nobody would’ve caught on! And they didn’t, actually...”

Artemis glowered at her. “You’re not saying you entered?”

“I couldn’t resist!” Minako defended. “Besides, you’ll be happy to know that obviously no one suspects a thing. I got fourth place.”

“ _Fifth_ place? You mean...there are three people who look more like Sailor V than you?” Artemis asked with a tiny laugh. He seemed to be relaxing now, which was good...oh, she could totally sneak up and cuddle him now. He loved that sometimes.

“Yeah. Fourth place was Hikaru-chan! She actually looks really good in my heels,” Minako gushed. “She said she was just gonna sell the prize to raise money for her club---honestly, she gave such a great Sailor V speech to protect the innocent that she should’ve won!”

“Well she beat the real Sailor V, so there’s that going for her,” Artemis couldn’t resist saying.

"As for third place, I'm sure it was Sakurada-san!"

"The police superintendent?"

"Yeah, she bought a real wig! And she moved like me so much it was really scary. But it was so perfect...a little too perfect for the judges, I think. That was weird."

Artemis smiled a little. Everyone was getting in on the act of being like Minako...and that was either a wonderful thing or a scary one, depending on how any particular day was going. For now he was content in her lap, though.

“Yeah...and then there was this other girl in second. She’s got hair like mine---maybe a little longer. She tied it in two bows, though, and she wouldn’t stop talking about all the milkshakes Furuhata-kun was gonna give her! Her speech was even better than Hikaru-chan’s...like she could totally be my sidekick someday. But I never caught her name...”

Artemis looked intrigued, but shook his head. Another memory for another time. “And first place was...?”

Minako turned bright red. “Amano-kun. I couldn’t believe it! He wears that skirt better than I do! Oh, it’s so embarrassing! But...hey, he promised to share the game with me, so I can’t complain too much. And that statue doesn’t look as much like me as you’d think...”

Oh, Minako. Artemis rolled his eyes, then nudged her. “Don’t worry. You’re still the one and only Sailor V---I don’t think any of them have been fighting the Dark Agency like you. And I don’t think they’ll be getting me down from here..”

“Oh, right! I almost forgot!” Minako slapped her forehead, then gathered him close. “Okay, we’re going down. On one condition," she insisted, lifting Artemis's head to make him look at her. "You make me forget that that contest ever happened."

"What? But I can't..." he started. She wouldn't be denied, though, and poked him right in the moon crescent. 

"Sure you can! If moon magic can do everything else, you can make me forget, right?"

"Didn't you say you were happy for Amano?" Artemis asked, puzzled. "What do you need me messing with your memory for?"

"...everyone sixth place and after," Minako whispered, a look of dread on her face. "I think I saw my French teacher!"

"You're serious?" Artemis looked doubtful, flicking his tail against the tree.

"I wish I wasn't! And then there was the rest of the police force, and the arcade boys, and...oh, I think that might've been my grandpa," she remembered, burying her face in her hands. "Let's let Amano keep the games and forget about this, okay?"

Artemis crawled up to curl around her neck, very ready for a safe trip down the tree. He nuzzled her worriedly. "If you're sure...let's make some tea and dinner, all right?" he offered. "Soon as we eat, you can go right to sleep. It'll be better by morning," he promised.

"So you'll make me forget?" she asked hopefully, already edging her way down the branches. She had to slow down once or twice, but it was going well. They'd make it down uninjured, she was sure.

"Actually I can't..." he confessed. "But sleep's almost as good! It'll all look like a weird dream in the morning."

"Do you know how many weird dreams I've had already?" 

"I'm not sure I want to..."

"Well I don't need another!"

"But you'll just have to live with it," Artemis countered, safe now that they were finally back on the ground. He finished making his point by tucking his head under hers. "C'mon. You're the one and only Sailor V.  A sight like that can't defeat you!  Those people want to be you because you're so strong. But it's only you, Mina. Nobody else comes close."

That was...surprisingly sentimental for him, enough to distract Minako from her remembered woe. She reached up to hug him gently. "And nobody else's cat argues with them when you get him from a tree, or talks them up. You're pretty special yourself. Now...how about a midnight snack?"

That they could definitely agree on!


End file.
